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I suffer from an affliction I’ve named Menuse Disease also known as Ambimenuitis. Not to be confused with the debilitating inner ear condition Meuniere’s disease. I first started noticing symptoms before I could read when I visited Piccadilly Cafeteria's with my family. Staring at all the choices before me, my pace would slow holding up the line, and my mind would race in rapid indecision.
I would freeze at each section staring at the chopped beef, fried catfish, fried chicken, chicken tetrazinni, pork chops, ham etc. The myriad of vegetables: baked potatoes, mashed potatoes, green beans, corn, broccoli-rice casserole, sweet potato casserole, macaroni and cheese. Anxiety reaching an all time high at the bread and dessert counter: cornbread, French bread, rolls, biscuits, and a dizzying array of pies and cakes. My eyes darting in rapid succession at each of the yummy options. Then inevitably and unconsciously, after being prodded along I would arrive at the cashier with the exact same tray as every previous time before and every time after - Fried Chicken, macaroni and cheese, green beans, and chocolate pie.As I grew older and started dating, I learned that menus were the triggering agent to my illness. I start reading them from cover to cover as soon as the server deposits them on my table. Appetizers, soups, entrees, desserts, I start to perspire around my lip when the menu is more than a bi-fold. Descriptive menus which list herbs and sauces will often give me palpitations. Dining with large groups of friends or family can be especially painful. When the server looks to take my order I blush and ask him to start at the other end. Quickly studying the menu while listening to what each person is ordering. Changing my order in my head each time someone else at the table places their order. Yet inevitably, by the time my order is placed I will have forgone the pesto pasta, the rack of lamb, the Trout Almondine, the lobster; instead a rib-eye and baked potato will appear on my plate. I do not feel sorry for myself as I’ve had a lot of great rib-eyes over the years. I also realize I’m not alone in my affliction. In 2006, Bud Light® as part of the Real Men of Genius™ campaign called it "Mr. Indecisive Food Orderer Guy". This struck home with me, the poor guy finds himself wishing he had ordered any of the delectable dishes before him except for his own. If you are reading this now and shaking your head you, too, may be a victim of Ambimenuitis. If so, allow me to share some tips I have learned over the years to ameliorate the symptoms. First, you must order wine or if not a wine drinker a cocktail of choice. I always order wine which is probably a symptom of the disease but let’s not read too much into this. I explain to the server up front that I will drink two glasses of wine before ordering. This buys me some time and the wine does wonders to calm my nerves. Second, if I know where I am going ahead of time I study the menu from the comfort of my home on the web. If there are restaurant owners out there reading this please take note. If you do not have a web menu you are doing a grave disservice to those of us suffering from Ambimenuitis. Plus, you are certainly adding frustration to your servers. Finally, you must have an understanding mate. Fortunately for me my husband is very understanding of my affliction and usually orders what I really wanted and we share.Discuss this article on the forums. (1 posts) |
